I won the coin flip today!
he he he!
So when caught up in the midst of my ‘pre-lockdown’ lifestyle, running my busy little business, rushing from class to class or client to client, often changing hats throughout the day - Fitness Instructor, Personal Trainer, Therapist, dad, husband, I would sometimes see the daily dog walk as another chore I had to fit in. Often I would use that time in the week to catch up with emails or social media, brain whirring and mind racing.
That’s all changed now and the dog walk has become a sacred time when I put the phone away (apart from the camera ;)) and really look at my surroundings, because it is the only chance I’ll get to look at something different to my house or garden for the rest of the day! The business is quiet ( to say the least) and the income has gone and you’re in this surreal ‘free fall’ so all you can really do is be in the moment - something I’ve been working with people around for many years - but we all get caught up in business and schedule time for this. Now the liberty has been removed and we have to be careful how we use this precious time. I also have to say that because this time is so precious and limited during these strange times we find ourselves in, I have to toss a coin each day…. Heads, I get to go for a run or tails , Diggers gets his walk……. Diggers was the winner today.
Today on our walk, Diggers and I noticed all of the green shoots and the wild flowers all starting to come out, the rape fields starting to turn and the fields ploughed with the spring barley. I was alone (using routes that I thought would minimise the risk of meeting another dog walker, so we didn’t have the awkwardness of trying not to make eye contact incase one of us spoke or trying to work out as they approach how far it is polite enough to get into the hedge whilst trying to put that social distance between you).
As I walked (and Diggers sniffed) I was alone with my thoughts - I’ve had quite a few of them over the last couple of weeks; Will my family be OK? my wife out on the front line with no real protection, my son in his penultimate year at school , currently with no school, my mum and dad that I’m not able to go and see and my brother in the big smoke. Will my business survive this? everything I have worked so hard over the last six years to build, suspended, hanging - out of my control. If it does survive will it go back to the way it was before? or will my flourishing little business disappear, like one of those spring blooms?… here today, gone tomorrow. . … These things I churn over in my mind as I walk. I know these are perfectly normal thoughts to have and I have been a counsellor long enough to know that fear is a natural response, but anxiety is a wasted energy. I know I don’t have any control over this enforced situation and I have accepted that, I just continuing being and know that there will be an end to this at some point and the conclusion is not in my gift to control. It doesn’t stop me having these thoughts though, but thats all they are, thoughts and meditations.
However, as I walk and ponder these things, looking at the beautiful countryside I am lucky enough to live in, Diggers stops and pulls me back - as I look up I see a beautiful Red Admiral butterfly right in front of me. I am in a green lane and the butterfly is at eye level on a newly ploughed field. It sits there graceful and majestic, motionless apart from the occasional beat of its wings. I then bend down (to clear up after Diggers!) and on a flower just in front of me is a white feather…… a white feather and a butterfly….. two angelic signs…. and I realise I am not alone with my thoughts, that there is comfort and guidance always. ….. all is well.
